- season 8 - week 24
Grace had the perfect life. She was just about to start her second year of university, doing a course that she adored, and over the course of her first year she had managed to put together the most brilliant group of friends.
First, there was Louise - actually an old classmate of Grace’s, with whom Grace had never spoken much until they had ended up in the same lecture halls and science labs. Then there was Esther: a “mature” age student at all of 24, so wise and gorgeous and worldly, with already one degree under her belt.
Along with Esther came her boyfriend Jimbo. He could be a bit of a prat (well, what else would you expect with a nickname like “Jimbo”?), but on the whole he was tolerable enough. He had a mean streak, but he could be funny too at times.
Next, there was bright, bubbly Nicole, always looking on the bright side of things. Then soft-spoken Phillip and his complete opposite, Louise’s brother Ben. Ben was great fun in small doses, but got on Grace’s nerves pretty quickly - though he was usually easy enough to put up with because he was only around for holidays. Ben, thankfully, studied in Queensland.
Rounding up the core group were Sara and Freddie. Freddie - Fredericka - an exchange student, was staying at Louise’s place over the summer rather than flying home. Sara was Grace’s best friend, and she hated Jimbo with the fiery passion of a thousand hells. But, apart from that, everybody got along. And, more importantly, everybody adored Grace. (Except for maybe Ben, who could be insanely irritating at times.) Grace hadn’t really had such a solid group of friends before, and had initially been worried about starting university. It was beautiful how neatly everything had fallen into place, with her more or less at the centre. She was the one who had independently become friends with Sara, and Louise, and Esther, and Nicole, and Phillip, and Freddie. She had put the group together. Without her, who was to say that any of them would have ever met at all?
The summer between Grace’s first and second year was amazing. The gang hung out every second day, and if Ben was a little more annoying than usual, well he was at least toned down by the fact that all the others were there, and Grace could just ignore him. There was also the fact that he was going to be flying back to Brisbane soon enough, so she figured she could manage to put up with him for a month or two: at least there was an end in sight.
And one day, that glorious end came. Ben’s flight was on Friday night. Grace learned this on the Wednesday, when she, Ben, Louise and Freddie decided to take a little road trip out to Ballarat. She didn’t really think much of it, at the time, other than mentally going “yay!” because there was still another fortnight before their own semester began. Two weeks of holidays without Ben hanging around. Bliss.
Once back in the city, the four decided to go to dinner on Southbank: a bit of a nicer place than usual, but the day had been such a fun one that nobody wanted it to end. Grace didn’t even mind sitting next to Ben for a change. It was, after all, the last time she’d have to see him until the mid-year break. She could hold onto that lovely thought while he made fun of her and annoyed her and embarrassed her. She even let him hug her good night when they parted at the station - then she all but skipped down the street to her tram stop. She was free of Ben! Free!
The next day, Grace received a text from Ben. Would she like to come into the city on Friday [url=http://www.beatsbydreaudio.co.uk/]Dr Dre Beats[/url]
Oh well. She could put up with Ben for one more day, she figured, replying the message. And it would be nice to see the others again, of course. Esther had just gotten back from Bali that morning; maybe she’d be there as well? And maybe she’d be without Jimbo, which would mean Sara would probably be there. Although Grace loved all her friends, she particularly adored the comfortable trio than she, Sara and Esther made up.
Not knowing what the plan was, on Friday morning she dressed particular nicely - just in case. Pretty sandals, the new top that Freddie had given her for Christmas, her favourite skirt. She spritzed on a little bit of perfume, and stuffed her bathing suit into her handbag - again, just in case. She was at Spencer Street (as it was still known then) by five past ten, only five minutes late.
Weirdly, none of the others were there yet. Only Ben was sitting by the designated meeting spot. Ben wearing a collared shirt, and smart slacks. Ben looking kind of half eager, half nervous, as he drew forward a huge bouquet of flowers that he’d been hiding behind his back.
Grace had never received flowers from a boy before. Grace had never received flowers before, full stop. There were a lot of things that Grace had never experienced before - she had certainly never been on a date with a boy before either.
And this was certainly, most assuredly, a date.
Fleetingly, the thought passed through her mind that her mother had been right: apparently, boys did tease the ones they liked. It was briefly funny to think that Ben had been so embarrassingly, irritatingly, frustratingly annoying because he liked her: talk about propagating a stereotype! But then that was only really funny to think about in a distant sort of a way. It was less funny to think about when walking down Bourke Street with Ben sweatily holding her hand. Even less funnier when he sat her down on a bench in AMP Square to tell her how pretty she was, and then how hopelessly in love with her he was.
Grace suggested that they keep on walking, because AMP Square was kind of a weird place to be sitting with a boy when you were nineteen years old and holding a giant bouquet of flowers. She proposed that they get something to drink. She honed in on the noisiest, most overcrowded Coffee HQ that she could find. They were barely able to hold any sort of conversation, let alone the deep and meaningful confessional that Ben clearly wished to continue with.
Alas, the drinks were not bottomless, and they eventually had to move on. Grace looked anxiously at her watch, but it was barely one o’clock. Ben’s flight out wasn’t until quite late - he wouldn’t have to be back at Louise’s to grab his bags until at least seven, wouldn’t have to be on a train out of the city until around six. At least that meant Grace wouldn’t have to have dinner with him, but she was still stuck with him for another five or so hours. And there was only so much a girl could walk around the city when her sandals were rubbing a blister onto her heel.
The flowers which had seemed so lovely and surprising that morning were starting to make her feel ill. She had no idea what to do. She was so far out of her comfort zone that she didn’t even know who she was on anymore. Grace didn’t get into situations like this. Grace wasn’t asked out by boys. Boys didn’t tell Grace they loved her, and that she was beautiful. Boys didn’t hold her hand. She didn’t want them to. She’d thought about it all idly before, of course, but had never actually yearned for a boy to fall in love with her and take her hand in his. The idea hadn’t really appealed to her. It still didn’t.
At one stage she switched the flowers, just so that she could remove her hand from Ben’s grasp. Like a ninja, he ducked around to walk on her other side. Could she get away with holding the flowers two-handed? Maybe she should buy another drink or something, something that she absolutely had to hold in her non-flowered hand...
They paused somewhere for lunch. Ben pulled out the chair for her. It was awkward. It was sweet, yes - but so awkward. After lunch, they went and sat on the grass - Grace’s feet were by that stage killing her, forcing her to admit defeat. She pulled off her sandals, whipping her feet away like lightning when Ben tried to touch them. It was bad enough when he put his arm around her, holding her close.
...But it was weird that it was bad. If she thought about it, she did like Ben - when he wasn’t being annoying. At first, she had been upset when he had teased her because she had thought they were friends. She had thought he liked her - just as a friend, of course. When he had made fun of her, it had actually stung. She should be over the moon to find out that he did like her after all. Not scared because he liked her perhaps a little too much. Really, she should be flattered. He thought she was beautiful. He’d said he thought he was in love with her. She was nineteen and had never even been kissed! That day ought to have been the greatest of her life to date. There was clearly something wrong with her. Maybe all she had to do was just get over herself and enjoy it all, because this was what girls did. This was what life was. She was a girl. He was a boy, and he liked her. That was good, and right. And about damn time, too.
So when he tried to kiss her, she let him. And it wasn’t really all that amazing, but Ben seemed to have enjoyed it - so Grace let him kiss her again. And again. In the end, she lost count, as they sat on the grass and kissed. She even tried kissing him back a couple of times, figuring that she couldn’t just sit there like a stone statue. It wasn’t all that exciting... but she had to do it, didn’t she? She was nineteen, and nobody had tried to kiss her before. She knew she wasn’t pretty, no matter what Ben said. He was probably her one and only chance.
So when his hand appeared on her leg, she just grit her teeth (mentally, that is; they were still kissing after all) and put up with it. That was what normal girls did. They weren’t scared of being kissed, of having a boy’s hand on their bare knee. God, sixteen-year-olds did this! And more.
However, she figured it was time to stop when one of his other hands (he seemed to have about five by that stage) touched her breast. Over the clothes, thank goodness, but it was still very much in that area and she did not want it there. Nor did she want the other hands on her legs and waist and neck and back, and she really hated his tongue in her mouth, and she was not enjoying kissing Ben the more she did it. The longer they went on, the more uncomfortable and afraid Grace felt. She’d thought the scared feeling would go away as she got used to it all, but it had only increased: grown larger with time, and then doubled because she didn’t know why she still felt so scared when it was just a little kissing, and all girls did that sort of thing!
She managed to push one of Ben’s hands away, but they just kept on coming. He was so much bigger than her, so much stronger; she couldn’t stop him no matter how much she tried. She tried to block out the fear - all girls did this, all girls liked this, it wasn’t like they were even doing anything - but still almost sobbed with relief when suddenly Ben’s watch began to chirp. Time for him to be heading home.
She allowed him one last kiss just before the train doors closed. It seemed only fair, after all.
Then she went home and threw out the flowers, burned the top and skirt, smashed the perfume bottle, and sat on the floor of the shower until the hot water ran out.
She didn’t end up going out to meet the others the next day after all. She didn’t meet up with any of them for five days, until finally Sara dropped by to see what was up. After a few bad lies, Grace closed the bedroom door and told Sara everything.
About time you got a little action! Sara laughed. She didn’t say so in as many words, but it was obvious she thought Grace was stupid for being so scared. Of course everyone was a little nervous the first time they did anything, but it wasn’t as if Grace and Ben had slept together or anything. Jeez, they’d only kissed and made out a little!
Later that night and unable to sleep, Grace slipped one of the razor blades out of her biology lab. kit and took it into her bedroom. She just wanted to see what it felt like. It hurt far, far less.
She didn’t make plans to see any of the others for the remainder of the summer. None of them made any contact with her, either - except for Ben. Grace ignored his messages, his calls, his emails. She spent most days locked in her room, hating herself for feeling so stupid and scared. She gave herself a deadline: first day of semester, the old Grace would be back. She would get over herself and stop ignoring her friends. She would forget that day with Ben, and not let it bother her anymore. After all, why should it bother her? They hadn’t even done anything.
Grace got to the lecture hall early on the first day. She saved a row of seats. Nicole was the first to come in, a minute or two later. She glanced around - surely saw Grace - and made her way to another empty row. Then Louise and Esther came in. They did see Grace.
They walked right past her. The rest of the group filed in, filing past Grace. Only Jimbo stopped to acknowledge her.
Cock-tease.
Grace watched in shock as her gang sat down together happily, without her in the middle of things. They laughed and joked around as they awaited the professor, occasionally turning around to smirk at her, or shoot her dark looks.
You don’t lead a guy on like that, Nicole said when Grace managed to get her alone. Sara told us everything. What are you, frigid or something?
Grace tried to say how scared she’d been, but Nicole only rolled her eyes. Louise wouldn’t speak to her at all. For the first time in known history, Sara sided with Jimbo on something; she told Grace to stop acting like Ben had done something bad, while Esther told her to stop trying to slander his name. It wasn’t Ben’s fault that Grace was a freak. It was Grace’s fault. Something was clearly wrong with her. Normal girls didn’t get scared from just a little kissing. Normal girls didn’t make out with a guy and then totally freeze him out. Grace had really blown it this time. They didn’t want to be friends with somebody like her. Ben was their friend too, after all: it was him against Grace. And Ben hadn’t been the one to do anything wrong. Grace was acting like a pathetic little kid; it was high time she grew up.
Ben had done nothing wrong. It was her, it was her, it was her.
After three days, Grace made the decision to take the semester off. By the time she returned, her classes were full of new and unfamiliar faces. In a campus the size of hers, she easily never bumped into any of her old friends. She sat alone in lectures, did not make conversation with her lab. partners, ate lunch by herself.
She was lonely, but she of course had only herself to blame. All she could hope was that next time would be different. Next time she would get over whatever that stupid fear was. She would talk herself out of feeling uncomfortable. She would call the next boy back and let it all happen again, and again, and again. The thought made her shudder, but when the time came she would do it. She would have no other choice: that was, after all, what normal girls did.
Source by the beats by dre
relate article：
Grace had the perfect life. She was just about to start her second year of university, doing a course that she adored, and over the course of her first year she had managed to put together the most brilliant group of friends.
First, there was Louise - actually an old classmate of Grace’s, with whom Grace had never spoken much until they had ended up in the same lecture halls and science labs. Then there was Esther: a “mature” age student at all of 24, so wise and gorgeous and worldly, with already one degree under her belt.
Along with Esther came her boyfriend Jimbo. He could be a bit of a prat (well, what else would you expect with a nickname like “Jimbo”?), but on the whole he was tolerable enough. He had a mean streak, but he could be funny too at times.
Next, there was bright, bubbly Nicole, always looking on the bright side of things. Then soft-spoken Phillip and his complete opposite, Louise’s brother Ben. Ben was great fun in small doses, but got on Grace’s nerves pretty quickly - though he was usually easy enough to put up with because he was only around for holidays. Ben, thankfully, studied in Queensland.
Rounding up the core group were Sara and Freddie. Freddie - Fredericka - an exchange student, was staying at Louise’s place over the summer rather than flying home. Sara was Grace’s best friend, and she hated Jimbo with the fiery passion of a thousand hells. But, apart from that, everybody got along. And, more importantly, everybody adored Grace. (Except for maybe Ben, who could be insanely irritating at times.) Grace hadn’t really had such a solid group of friends before, and had initially been worried about starting university. It was beautiful how neatly everything had fallen into place, with her more or less at the centre. She was the one who had independently become friends with Sara, and Louise, and Esther, and Nicole, and Phillip, and Freddie. She had put the group together. Without her, who was to say that any of them would have ever met at all?
The summer between Grace’s first and second year was amazing. The gang hung out every second day, and if Ben was a little more annoying than usual, well he was at least toned down by the fact that all the others were there, and Grace could just ignore him. There was also the fact that he was going to be flying back to Brisbane soon enough, so she figured she could manage to put up with him for a month or two: at least there was an end in sight.
And one day, that glorious end came. Ben’s flight was on Friday night. Grace learned this on the Wednesday, when she, Ben, Louise and Freddie decided to take a little road trip out to Ballarat. She didn’t really think much of it, at the time, other than mentally going “yay!” because there was still another fortnight before their own semester began. Two weeks of holidays without Ben hanging around. Bliss.
Once back in the city, the four decided to go to dinner on Southbank: a bit of a nicer place than usual, but the day had been such a fun one that nobody wanted it to end. Grace didn’t even mind sitting next to Ben for a change. It was, after all, the last time she’d have to see him until the mid-year break. She could hold onto that lovely thought while he made fun of her and annoyed her and embarrassed her. She even let him hug her good night when they parted at the station - then she all but skipped down the street to her tram stop. She was free of Ben! Free!
The next day, Grace received a text from Ben. Would she like to come into the city on Friday [url=http://www.beatsbydreaudio.co.uk/]Dr Dre Beats[/url]
http://www.beatsbydreaudio.co.uk/
, for his last day in town? Grace sighed as she read the message. She couldn’t think of a decent excuse to make up. She was seeing the others on Saturday anyway, so she couldn’t really fake sick on Friday and then be perfectly well again by Saturday noon. She only worked one day a weekend, and couldn’t invent herself an extra shift - Louise had used to work with her, and would see through the excuse in seconds.Oh well. She could put up with Ben for one more day, she figured, replying the message. And it would be nice to see the others again, of course. Esther had just gotten back from Bali that morning; maybe she’d be there as well? And maybe she’d be without Jimbo, which would mean Sara would probably be there. Although Grace loved all her friends, she particularly adored the comfortable trio than she, Sara and Esther made up.
Not knowing what the plan was, on Friday morning she dressed particular nicely - just in case. Pretty sandals, the new top that Freddie had given her for Christmas, her favourite skirt. She spritzed on a little bit of perfume, and stuffed her bathing suit into her handbag - again, just in case. She was at Spencer Street (as it was still known then) by five past ten, only five minutes late.
Weirdly, none of the others were there yet. Only Ben was sitting by the designated meeting spot. Ben wearing a collared shirt, and smart slacks. Ben looking kind of half eager, half nervous, as he drew forward a huge bouquet of flowers that he’d been hiding behind his back.
Grace had never received flowers from a boy before. Grace had never received flowers before, full stop. There were a lot of things that Grace had never experienced before - she had certainly never been on a date with a boy before either.
And this was certainly, most assuredly, a date.
Fleetingly, the thought passed through her mind that her mother had been right: apparently, boys did tease the ones they liked. It was briefly funny to think that Ben had been so embarrassingly, irritatingly, frustratingly annoying because he liked her: talk about propagating a stereotype! But then that was only really funny to think about in a distant sort of a way. It was less funny to think about when walking down Bourke Street with Ben sweatily holding her hand. Even less funnier when he sat her down on a bench in AMP Square to tell her how pretty she was, and then how hopelessly in love with her he was.
Grace suggested that they keep on walking, because AMP Square was kind of a weird place to be sitting with a boy when you were nineteen years old and holding a giant bouquet of flowers. She proposed that they get something to drink. She honed in on the noisiest, most overcrowded Coffee HQ that she could find. They were barely able to hold any sort of conversation, let alone the deep and meaningful confessional that Ben clearly wished to continue with.
Alas, the drinks were not bottomless, and they eventually had to move on. Grace looked anxiously at her watch, but it was barely one o’clock. Ben’s flight out wasn’t until quite late - he wouldn’t have to be back at Louise’s to grab his bags until at least seven, wouldn’t have to be on a train out of the city until around six. At least that meant Grace wouldn’t have to have dinner with him, but she was still stuck with him for another five or so hours. And there was only so much a girl could walk around the city when her sandals were rubbing a blister onto her heel.
The flowers which had seemed so lovely and surprising that morning were starting to make her feel ill. She had no idea what to do. She was so far out of her comfort zone that she didn’t even know who she was on anymore. Grace didn’t get into situations like this. Grace wasn’t asked out by boys. Boys didn’t tell Grace they loved her, and that she was beautiful. Boys didn’t hold her hand. She didn’t want them to. She’d thought about it all idly before, of course, but had never actually yearned for a boy to fall in love with her and take her hand in his. The idea hadn’t really appealed to her. It still didn’t.
At one stage she switched the flowers, just so that she could remove her hand from Ben’s grasp. Like a ninja, he ducked around to walk on her other side. Could she get away with holding the flowers two-handed? Maybe she should buy another drink or something, something that she absolutely had to hold in her non-flowered hand...
They paused somewhere for lunch. Ben pulled out the chair for her. It was awkward. It was sweet, yes - but so awkward. After lunch, they went and sat on the grass - Grace’s feet were by that stage killing her, forcing her to admit defeat. She pulled off her sandals, whipping her feet away like lightning when Ben tried to touch them. It was bad enough when he put his arm around her, holding her close.
...But it was weird that it was bad. If she thought about it, she did like Ben - when he wasn’t being annoying. At first, she had been upset when he had teased her because she had thought they were friends. She had thought he liked her - just as a friend, of course. When he had made fun of her, it had actually stung. She should be over the moon to find out that he did like her after all. Not scared because he liked her perhaps a little too much. Really, she should be flattered. He thought she was beautiful. He’d said he thought he was in love with her. She was nineteen and had never even been kissed! That day ought to have been the greatest of her life to date. There was clearly something wrong with her. Maybe all she had to do was just get over herself and enjoy it all, because this was what girls did. This was what life was. She was a girl. He was a boy, and he liked her. That was good, and right. And about damn time, too.
So when he tried to kiss her, she let him. And it wasn’t really all that amazing, but Ben seemed to have enjoyed it - so Grace let him kiss her again. And again. In the end, she lost count, as they sat on the grass and kissed. She even tried kissing him back a couple of times, figuring that she couldn’t just sit there like a stone statue. It wasn’t all that exciting... but she had to do it, didn’t she? She was nineteen, and nobody had tried to kiss her before. She knew she wasn’t pretty, no matter what Ben said. He was probably her one and only chance.
So when his hand appeared on her leg, she just grit her teeth (mentally, that is; they were still kissing after all) and put up with it. That was what normal girls did. They weren’t scared of being kissed, of having a boy’s hand on their bare knee. God, sixteen-year-olds did this! And more.
However, she figured it was time to stop when one of his other hands (he seemed to have about five by that stage) touched her breast. Over the clothes, thank goodness, but it was still very much in that area and she did not want it there. Nor did she want the other hands on her legs and waist and neck and back, and she really hated his tongue in her mouth, and she was not enjoying kissing Ben the more she did it. The longer they went on, the more uncomfortable and afraid Grace felt. She’d thought the scared feeling would go away as she got used to it all, but it had only increased: grown larger with time, and then doubled because she didn’t know why she still felt so scared when it was just a little kissing, and all girls did that sort of thing!
She managed to push one of Ben’s hands away, but they just kept on coming. He was so much bigger than her, so much stronger; she couldn’t stop him no matter how much she tried. She tried to block out the fear - all girls did this, all girls liked this, it wasn’t like they were even doing anything - but still almost sobbed with relief when suddenly Ben’s watch began to chirp. Time for him to be heading home.
She allowed him one last kiss just before the train doors closed. It seemed only fair, after all.
Then she went home and threw out the flowers, burned the top and skirt, smashed the perfume bottle, and sat on the floor of the shower until the hot water ran out.
She didn’t end up going out to meet the others the next day after all. She didn’t meet up with any of them for five days, until finally Sara dropped by to see what was up. After a few bad lies, Grace closed the bedroom door and told Sara everything.
About time you got a little action! Sara laughed. She didn’t say so in as many words, but it was obvious she thought Grace was stupid for being so scared. Of course everyone was a little nervous the first time they did anything, but it wasn’t as if Grace and Ben had slept together or anything. Jeez, they’d only kissed and made out a little!
Later that night and unable to sleep, Grace slipped one of the razor blades out of her biology lab. kit and took it into her bedroom. She just wanted to see what it felt like. It hurt far, far less.
She didn’t make plans to see any of the others for the remainder of the summer. None of them made any contact with her, either - except for Ben. Grace ignored his messages, his calls, his emails. She spent most days locked in her room, hating herself for feeling so stupid and scared. She gave herself a deadline: first day of semester, the old Grace would be back. She would get over herself and stop ignoring her friends. She would forget that day with Ben, and not let it bother her anymore. After all, why should it bother her? They hadn’t even done anything.
Grace got to the lecture hall early on the first day. She saved a row of seats. Nicole was the first to come in, a minute or two later. She glanced around - surely saw Grace - and made her way to another empty row. Then Louise and Esther came in. They did see Grace.
They walked right past her. The rest of the group filed in, filing past Grace. Only Jimbo stopped to acknowledge her.
Cock-tease.
Grace watched in shock as her gang sat down together happily, without her in the middle of things. They laughed and joked around as they awaited the professor, occasionally turning around to smirk at her, or shoot her dark looks.
You don’t lead a guy on like that, Nicole said when Grace managed to get her alone. Sara told us everything. What are you, frigid or something?
Grace tried to say how scared she’d been, but Nicole only rolled her eyes. Louise wouldn’t speak to her at all. For the first time in known history, Sara sided with Jimbo on something; she told Grace to stop acting like Ben had done something bad, while Esther told her to stop trying to slander his name. It wasn’t Ben’s fault that Grace was a freak. It was Grace’s fault. Something was clearly wrong with her. Normal girls didn’t get scared from just a little kissing. Normal girls didn’t make out with a guy and then totally freeze him out. Grace had really blown it this time. They didn’t want to be friends with somebody like her. Ben was their friend too, after all: it was him against Grace. And Ben hadn’t been the one to do anything wrong. Grace was acting like a pathetic little kid; it was high time she grew up.
Ben had done nothing wrong. It was her, it was her, it was her.
After three days, Grace made the decision to take the semester off. By the time she returned, her classes were full of new and unfamiliar faces. In a campus the size of hers, she easily never bumped into any of her old friends. She sat alone in lectures, did not make conversation with her lab. partners, ate lunch by herself.
She was lonely, but she of course had only herself to blame. All she could hope was that next time would be different. Next time she would get over whatever that stupid fear was. She would talk herself out of feeling uncomfortable. She would call the next boy back and let it all happen again, and again, and again. The thought made her shudder, but when the time came she would do it. She would have no other choice: that was, after all, what normal girls did.
没有评论:
发表评论